“Running saved my life”, the thing I say when I talk about how I got into running.
But not only did running save my life from my drowning in depression, it opened me up to who I really am, or more like gave me tools to unleash who I really am.
Of course running changes your body, but what it does to your mind is way more important.
From a person who didn’t see anything good in myself and just did not love myself at all, to a person who loves herself to the max, loves her life so much and just is this ball of positivity. That’s because of running.
I have never been a person who followed through with the things I started. I talked and talked but there was no action. None at all. And then when I started running, this all started changing. I couldn’t say and lie to myself anymore that I can’t, because I already did. Those things that I didn’t believe I could. It was all me, no one else, for once. It was me who was kicking the ass of my old me.
No more giving up. Ever.
It took me good two years to get to here. So much work, with 99% my mind and that little 1% with my body. As long as I fought against the change in my mind, I wasn’t able to move forward. But as long I gave a chance to myself to see what it could be on the “other” side, that’s when things started to change.
And that’s the thing with running, you start doing it because you want to get fit, or loose weight or some other “superficial” reason and it just drop kicks you to reality that this is going to be in your mind! It sneaks upon you and it’s undeniable when it clicks.
I am sure there are people who don’t feel that running does anything like that to them, but I am equally sure that they won’t be enjoying running for that long without getting tired of it. Once you embrace what running has to give to you, it will give you all and more.
I was going through photos from the couple of years running has been part of my life, real progress photos. And the thing that I realized was that whatever had changed in my body was only because what had happened in my mind. And you can really see it in my eyes. The first photo is from couple of years ago after some running and eating differently, but I was so ashamed of my body and how it looked ugly and just no. Back then, I wasn’t really embracing all that I have now through running. I couldn’t even have my face in the photo because I didn’t like what I saw.
Then last summer I started breaking free from the old, a lot of work with myself was behind me but little did I know that the biggest was just coming. And oh my, when I saw a photo of me then and now next to each other, wow! The joy that just shines from me now is a insanely reminder that whatever I look outside has nothing to do with how I feel if I’m not happy with what’s going on inside.
Also, obviously once you stop fighting the change and embrace it, you will look better because you see yourself in a positive and loving way, so now I don’t have to fight the progress of actually looking how I have wanted for a really long time. I don’t need to sabotage it anymore, because I’m strong enough to take it all. And be damn proud of it!
So yeah, without running I wouldn’t be here anymore, I was that depressed. I wouldn’t be here to enjoy every damn moment that I live, good and bad. And I don’t know how I can ever thank running for that.
I think the best way is to keep doing what I’m doing and let all those opportunities come and embrace them with all my being. There’s no chance of giving up anymore, because there’s so much ahead.
Whatever it is that gives you life, let it and stop fighting even though it’s scary. But it’s a lot scarier to have all those what if’s in the back of your mind, if you just let yourself be afraid and don’t jump to that unknown. Risk a little and show yourself how much more there is to live for.